I think this book started the whole thing.
"The post-birthday world".
Not that i ever felt like cheating.
Not that i ever felt i was in a secure relationship and all that either.
I just realised how deeply unhappy i was, and how it seemed impossible to patch things up.
Sure enough, a quiet, sweet and kind man, i couldn't ask for better.
Sure.
OK, trouble had started before i even laid my eyes on this book.
Over the last months or so, i knew things were going downhill, and pretty quickly. And although for those few last weeks, i'd been blaming the new non-intoxicated me on my stroppy behaviour, i knew i wasn't being honest.
The problem is i don't need a weak guy who says yes to avoid any argument. It just makes me want to fight even more.
The problem is i don't need a sweet guy who's actually deeply selfish.
The problem is i didn't need a guy to start with, but he'd blown me away.
At first i didn't believe someone that perfect could exist, and eventually i decided to blindly give it a go, shutting-up my cynical-self. I should have known better, shouldn't i ?
And from then on, with every little deception, with every small bad surprise, i just couldn't believe that he wasn't who i imagined. Who i hoped.
He didn't have a chance, did he ? Who could really live up to that kind of expectation ?
I did try to remind myself that he was only human, that he was only a man, and that he was sweet and kind, so what else could i ask for ?
But how do you patch things up when you don't even kiss anymore ? Not the "see you later kiss", not the "thank you for my coco-pops" kiss. The other one, the "i want you so much" kiss.
He stopped kissing me, and i stopped kissing him.
Maybe it was all a mistake.
The last 7 months. Or tonight.
I don't know which one, but one of them was definitely a mistake. |